Your Thoughts on Neighborliness
Inspiration and Advice from Readers
Thank you for all the wonderful contributions to this past newsletter’s questions! Sending books in the mail to Alex and Julie!
I am planning to do a June – July book club (and challenge) based on Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek . If you’re interested in participating, you can pick up the book here!
The goal: to read a few pages a week from Dillard’s book, and to pick one day a week to spend some time outside in relative quiet. To spend time thinking in solitude, without immediate distractions or cares. Hopefully this will tie into our discussion of “margin,” earlier in the year, and help to build on our discussion of Walden from last fall.
“Being in a community and sharing is life-giving even when we don’t realize it’s happening; we just become more whole, and, as I have discovered, fulfilled. Our souls were designed for connection, first with our Heavenly Father and then with His creation. Intentional outreach, as simple as a kind word in a checkout line with your neighbor, has brought warmth to my spirit and an invisible bond between me and the world around me.”
– Julie
“Your words about associations and clubs ring true—this reminds me of Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone book. Here in our new town, I've found community through taking my kids along to a community garden, and also joining a women's climbing group. What interests me is that it's been a slow process getting to know people well enough to move beyond that semi public space and move to the next level of friendship by doing something together outside of that group or inviting them over. It takes time and sometimes it even feels a bit awkward. Maybe that's because other people don't know how to develop friendships either outside of an association or because there's a bit more risk involved. I think the community garden has also been important for our sense of belonging as we literally get our hands in the ground and understand the rhythms of the seasons here. Knowing where to pick blackberries and forage for apples and find wild garlic in spring helps you put roots down in a place.”
– Heidi
“I think these three questions are all tied together in a way that is very important! I believe that being a good neighbor is practicing daily routines of being kind, courteous, and also stepping out and doing a "bigger" thing like being intentional and baking cookies and bringing them around to your neighbors and just chatting with them. My wife and I live in a apartment complex which is the epitome of transient, compartmentalized, convenient life that has ourselves and our neighbors rushing to get inside our apartments before the horror of interacting with another person after a long day at work. But we have found that when we do engage with others around our complex like chatting with them (in a unhurried way) or offering to help with things like helping with carrying groceries has gone a long way with at least having them see us in a positive light as it shows through their greetings and smiles when seeing us.”
– Alex
“Often we don’t value community enough because we think that life and growth will come from something that feels more substantive. So in a Bible study or something we may squash someone sharing their struggles or severely diminish the mic time they are allotted to hurt because we ‘need to push through the content.’ Similarly, even in our friendships we mistake hardship and just the busyness of life as distractions from ‘the real thing.’ … Because most people I’ve encountered expect God to work most effectively through deliberate study or through more linear and evident spiritual practices, they don’t think to look into their community to discern what opportunities are lying there waiting to be reaped! This isn’t a strategy per se of how to build community, but I’ve found that the shift in perspective alone has moved us into taking more proactive steps into our community and helping them approach community the same way.”
– Tristan
“Two things that we have done:
1) When our daughters were babies, we would stop and say hello to any and every neighbor pushing a stroller. Traded numbers. Invited them to knock on our door and say hello whenever. We made good friends and got to know a lot of people this way!
2) We are regulars at our neighborhood park. I take my daughters to the nearby park at the same time/day every week, and so we quickly became part of a small community of families who would also be there at the same time.”
– Donald
“We've struggled to build community in a new place after getting married and uprooting ourselves from our places of origin. This summer we're hosting a weekly happy hour from 5-6 on our driveway to hopefully build more connection with our neighbors. Just casual, drop by, have a drink and chit chat for a bit. I have small children and it always feels challenging to build community in a way that aligns with their needs. So, I figured we'll feed them dinner on the front lawn and they can be in their happy place outside while we have an opportunity to connect with neighbors. We've also put our garden in the side/front yard, so it's a nice topic of conversation with passersby and has allowed more spontaneous connection with those around us.”
– Katy
I've always wanted to read Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, so just bought my copy after reading this update! Looking forward to it.